


Blonde hair on the pillow

by purplefox



Series: Privacy [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M, One Shot, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 23:17:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7457566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi feels like he is living a double life, and he knows which life he would rather be commited to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blonde hair on the pillow

**Author's Note:**

> I had the need to write with something with a little suffering, this series is supposed to be fun and teasing but I got stuck on this idea, and nope it will remain just this ^.^ so enjoy(and suffer along with me) Thanks darlings!!

There were times when Kakashi to his friends just disappeared, he never said when he was going to do it, simply because he never knew. The urge would hit him and he would just leave everything behind and find someplace that he could see clearly, someplace that he could breathe clearly, someplace he could forget most his troubles.

His friends worried, he knew they did and he did his best not to worry them. He kept quiet, he did not tell them the things he knew would really trouble them and instead he kept those things to himself mostly because he had no idea how to even begin to explain it all.

When he left his apartment, went to the station and picked that one train, the train to nowhere.

When he sat huddled in the corner, his heart racing at first and with every minute, his calm returning. When he got off the train and walked to the place he knew almost as well as his own, maybe even better.

When he used his key and inhaled slowly as if he were coming home, because it actually felt like coming home. He checked the plants in the small windowsill. Eyed the neighbour’s grass from the window as he stood in the kitchen and greeted the calico cat that lazed on the kitchen counter.

He usually showered if he was alone at that time and flung himself on the king-sized bed if it were day time, to slowly inhale the scent of detergent, cat and the familiar scent that he knew.

He would fall asleep and would awaken hours later, turn his head and know that the lights would be low because _he_ never slept in darkness. His eyes would trace down golden skin, sweep back up to linger at the golden head next to his own and he would feel at ease, totally relaxed.

If the bedroom door had been left open the cat would be sprawled on the opposite side or in the chair facing window, or balanced on the stool where all the sketches and paintings usually went to dry. Kakashi would breathe slowly, relaxed and feel at home, at peace with the quiet and eventually the body next to him would stir and the head on the pillow next to his would shift and sleepy blue eyes the colour of the summer sky would fix on him.

They had it down to a routine, they had done this so many times. They would continue to do it until one of them put a stop to it, he was like the cat, wandering in and out and he wished desperately that he could stay.

But Naruto would watch him with a slow smile as he waited for permission, as he always did and when Kakashi gave it only then would he hug him or kiss him, only then would they touch properly.

“Really bad day?” Naruto would ask into his ear as he held him close to his chest as his fingers combed through Kakashi’s hair. “If you want to talk you can, but we don’t have to talk about anything I’m fine just having you around.”

And whatever Kakashi would need at the moment he would ask for and then slowly they would start, the kisses, the touches, the reassurance that they were there, that they were alive and that they were there for each other. Whether it was Naruto on his back, his eyes dazed as Kakashi slid himself home, or Kakashi’s hands pressed to Naruto’s chest, his fingers clenched tight as Naruto’s hands clenched on his hips, guiding him into a pace that Kakashi needed more than anything.

More often than not he needed to look down and see what his body did to Naruto, watch how fucking him changed Naruto, watch blue eyes darken like the sky before a rain storm and watch Naruto whisper his name as both of them went over the edge, more often than not… Kakashi needed that.

And afterwards he would stick around for a few days, it was really strange the two of them. Kakashi helped around the house, he played with the cat and slowly Kakashi’s calm and his happiness returned until he was ready to face those he had left behind and the life he had there.

But while with Naruto, they talked, fucked, would make love until they cried or until they laughed, played games and talked again. They were friends, they were lovers and the time inside the house were their own.

But life always continued on and there was always the time for Kakashi to leave. He did not always come for himself, sometimes he got that message from Naruto and he cleared his schedule, packed a small bag and disappeared from his normal life to get on that train to nowhere.

Because Naruto needed him, because his friend needed him. Sometimes that was what happened, and he would put back together the hurt Naruto until his smile returned and his eyes sparkled again.

And eventually the time would come, he would pat the cat on the head, leave a long list of vegetables for Naruto to try to eat along with a few recipes. A few frozen dinners for easy conveniences sake and he would make the trip back to the train station catch his train back to home, even though with each step away he felt as though he was leaving his home behind him.

But it was hard to explain, how could he tell his friends what lay on the end of that train to Nowhere? They never understood that he was telling the truth every time they asked where he went every time.

He really did catch a train to nowhere, he caught it to see his friend who knew him, who understood the pain, the struggles and was friends with him anyway. His friend that put him back together who he returned the favour. He caught a simple train to go to a house located in a town where farmers thrived and the sun shone.

Where a man had settled in order to find peace, where he still smiled and tried hard but he understood how it got tiring and wanted silence and peace sometimes. They were friends that shared more than their bodies, they patched each other’s hearts up over and over so that they could continue to survive in the world they lived in.

One day… Kakashi knew he would catch that train to Nowhere and he would not come back, because it already felt more like home than the place he lived and somewhere along the line they had become more than friends, more than friends with benefits. So how was he to even start to explain?

 _“I’ve fallen in love with my fuck buddy and his caring heart, and his beautiful eyes.”_   Was that how he was to start? Kakashi valued his privacy, there were too many parts of himself he did not want anyone in the world to see… except Naruto, he had already seen everything and had welcomed him, patched him up anyway and just like him… Naruto hurt the same.

And that house with the cat and the laughter inside it… it was already home. He just had to stay. Soon he would have to say something. His days of privacy just might be numbered because with every day he did not wake to see blonde hair on the pillow, he felt more and more alone.


End file.
